My 13 year old is stuck in front of a monitor

My 13 year old is stuck in front of a monitor.  In my mind I keep going back and forth with this issue.  On one hand I think he should be outside playing, being a 13 year old, building forts with friends, getting exercise, learning to make things, help out around the yard and house.

On the other hand, I'm worried he will learn to smoke, be introduced to drugs,  learn and use  foul language, chase wild women, meet older kids, learn violence and crime.

The internet is certainly wide open to him, we don't control access or even have the ability to monitor or censure where he surfs, what he sees.

The last time he wanted to go to the mall and meet his friends, I think I said OK,  but it was just to hang out, should I have said no, stay in front of the monitor and vegetate while playing a war craft game.

I mention my concerns to my wife and she defends his time online saying I'm doing the same thing; right now I'm online writing this piece, he's in the other room blowing up avatars; am I setting the example?

When I'm out and about I see 13 year old's hanging, and I'm glad mine is at home.  But when I'm at home and see him absorbed with a headset and microphone in a make believe world I want to pull the plug.

This is not the first time I don't have an answer.  John 2011

Dealing With Children Fascinated With Fire (lighting matches, etc.)

When I was first thinking about an article on fire building and children I thought back to different experiences I have endured during my 60 years on the planet.  I remember a cub scout outing with nine second and third graders, myself and one other parent leader. There we were eleven people huddled in a circle, with me explaining the proper way to build a fire. Pretty soon the boys were each practicing lighting matches.  One particular scout crouching directly across from me lit his match, promptly screamed, and threw the flaming match in my face.  I of course jumped and fell over backwards barely escaping the flying torch.  All the boys loved the commotion except the match thrower who was terrified and scared he had done something wrong.  I asked the boys, how many had lit a match before and was surprised by the answers. Only half the boys had ever lit a match, only one (my child) was allowed to light candles or fires when camping or at home. The lesson I took away was that many boys needed to be introduced to and taught some very basic life skills, also don’t kneel in front of first time match lighters.  Once when one of my children was at the young age where fire fascinated him my wife and I caught him in the bedroom closet with a box of wood kitchen matches, some which had just been burned, the smell still in the air. We promptly took him outside and sat him down on the concrete sidewalk next to the driveway and let him “play with matches” Of course we watched and worried, not sure what to do. That evening outside we roasted hot dogs and made sure he got to light the fire.  We also made sure that he helped light the wood stove we used to heat our family room.  Not too long ago the neighbor and his two boys accompanied me and my boy on an afternoon boat trip. We beached the boat on a small island to make a campfire and cook hot dogs for lunch.  The other father assured me that his boys were wise old campers having spent the summers with their aunt camping all over the northwest. The boys were nine, ten, and eleven years old, my boy being the oldest. On the island I challenged them to scrounge for tinder, kindling, fire wood, and then to light the fire using only one match. Watching the boys fumble with matches I wasn’t surprised to hear that the neighbor boys had never lit a fire, and wouldn’t admit to ever lighting a match, explaining they weren’t allowed to touch matches at home or when camping with their aunt. Our fire lighting challenge was a dismal failure, the recent rain made it extra tough.   However, I had expected problems and had brought with us a ten minute highway flare. I suspect even the dad was excited about using a flare for fire lighting, once again bringing to my attention that some real world life basics were missing.  Once the sulfur burned away and our campfire was ready for cooking we had a great feast.  With our pocket knives we sharpened saplings for cooking sticks, another first for the wise old campers. John 2010

Do schools do the job we want them to do?

Since I just added some polls to this blog about number of children it got me remembering our struggles at school. (no connection) Specifically how in my opinion our schools failed to teach my children to read. It seems they have time for all sorts of curriculum, but at what expense.
1st. shouldn't a number one goal be to teach our kids to read a book? a sentence? a warning label?
2nd. shouldn't they teach them to write their name? a sentence? a job application?
3rd. shouldn't they teach them to add 2+2 or even multiply 99x99 without a calculator (can you?)
My point is, my children didn't get the basics they needed for life. They were moved through the system with little regard to actual teaching of the 3r's, readin, ritin, and rithmatic (or something like that)
I heard yesterday on the news that only 15% of Americans write long hand cursive, I know I was not taught to write well, I avoid it it like the plague, I have others write for me, or I print, and even my printing is atrocious.
With the advent of computers and keyboards hand writing and math skills are falling further.
Back to my rant, why can't our schools concentrate on the basics? to me it seems so simple and obvious that we are not preparing our children at an early age, its no wonder later in middle or high school and beyond that they fail.

Is public transportation good for our children?

While my kids grow up, some of my biggest worry's have been their friends and where they hang out. Years ago one of my sons used the bus system and then max; we promoted his adventuresome and self reliant outings.  Now years later I question that wisdom, the transit system exposed him to places and people he was too young to comprehend and deal with.  I may be wrong but I blame some of the troubles he worked through on my willingness to let him use public transportation.  His younger brother is approaching the age where we will have to let him make some of these same choices.  But I have already decided to not promote public transit.  It means I will continue to drive him places and meet some of his friends. That's OK

Put ink to paper, putting my thoughts in words is opening a window to my soul, somethings are better kept locked up, not open to judgement and the scrutiny of others.

  "He who wishes to live in peace and at ease must not speck all he knows or judge all he sees"