Conventional wisdom: You must read to your kids.
✔ Reality: No, you must listen to them.
Experts will say you should read to your kids to teach them to read. Ok, reading is undoubtedly good, but what about the times that all you really do is talk to each other, or more one sided, they do all the talking, and you just listen. Perhaps a reading session is really more of a special one on one bonding chance for some parents.
Reading may start out with, one fish, two fish, but quickly switches to, that girl is mean to me, so your reading session may be more of a talk session. That’s ok, when your little ones open up about something that is bothering them, or they just want to talk, don’t trivialize it, and get on with reading. Instead, put the book down and give your full attention to listening. You may learn your child has some fears or concerns you can fix for them. They may want to share with you something new in their life that they are proud of. Most of all, they may just want your undivided attention.
If you have set aside a specific time for reading, and find that your child is hijacking the time to talk and talk and talk, you may have a little problem where they are manipulating you into extending your together time with them. If they do this occasionally, it’s ok, in fact it can be a very special time. But if it happens all the time, be forewarned, you should quit at the agreed upon time. If they still want to read or talk, tell them “next time.” If it happens all the time, you may need to start your reading/talking earlier, or add sessions earlier in the day, but don’t let them push and push and push you beyond lights out, or you’ll be sorry.
That warning being said, you should be on the lookout for truly emergency parenting sessions during reading/talk time. They may have a real big problem, but only hint around at its existence. Remember, it is hard for them to tell you certain things. You don’t want to hear later that they tried to tell you something important, and you said, “lights out, tell me next time.” So, you need to not only listen, but pay attention and understand what they are saying to you.
Here are a few points to ponder regarding reading. Are you reading to them, or with them? Do you find yourself drawn into the book of the day and want to finish it, do they? Are you choosing a story that interests you, but not them? Why are you reading to your little one ten grade levels above their comprehension? Is it because you hope they will benefit and increase their vocabulary? Or maybe, it’s a title you choose for yourself, or reading is a time to share each other’s company not actually read. Do you watch them, and check your watch, waiting for them to fall asleep, so you can quit reading? If you do, you’re not really reading with them, you’re putting them to bed. Are you being consistent, setting aside 30-45 minutes each night for reading. What if your crazy schedule doesn’t allow it? Here are a few suggestions. Try reading in mornings, try twice a week, try weekends only, try a babysitter, try reading at lunch time.
The last paragraph was full of questions, and few answers because there are no correct answers. Yes, you should read with your kids, (or listen) but unfortunately in this hectic world, reading sometimes gets the short straw. Please, don’t let reading get bumped for playing video games, there are some people that claim video games actually help kids learn to read, but I wonder how well video games do at listening. ✔Listening is an important part of parenting.
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