Conventional wisdom: Brats are someone else’s kids.
✔ Reality: Brats aren’t born, they are created. (Hatched?)
Bratty behavior seems to come natural to some kids. But chances are, they learned to be brats.
Have you noticed; some kids have a look to them that makes you think they might be brats before they open their mouths and confirm it? Something about, lack of smiling, or maybe it’s that half sneer that sets them apart, almost as if they are daring You and the world to bring it on, suggesting you ain’t seen nothing yet. Brats can be scary, partly because they defy authority, but also because they are predictably unpredictable. We can’t do anything about other parents brats, except maybe run away and take our kids with us.
Look for these signs in your younger kids, hopefully you can steer them another direction before the playgroup loses your number on purpose.
1. Tantrums, tantrums, tantrums.
Be patient and don’t give in. Make sure not to discipline inappropriately, most tantrums, simply should be ignored, and certainly not responded to with your own tantrum. Kids use tantrums to get their way, if you give in, you reinforce that it works, and they own you. Once started, tantrums may be on autopilot so there is no way for the child to connect their actions with your discipline. ✔When a tantrum ends, try not to bring attention to the fact it has stopped, just carry on with business. Sometimes when tantrums begin, a parent may immediately take action that produces a negative, but powerful learning result for the child. One example would be to remove the child from the play area when the tantrum over the toy begins. When done immediately the child learns that his tantrum didn’t get the toy, but lost all the toys. Don’t expect to reason with children throwing tantrums, they are not reasonable or appropriate. ✔Don’t laugh or ridicule them, that’s mean, disrespectful, and may cause them to lash out at you, hurling whatever is handy in your direction.
2. It’s mine, hitting, bossiness, not sharing and all those toddler things they do.
Relax, this isn’t bratty behavior, its normal. But you should, put away things they won’t or don’t want to share. Remove weapons and clubs, and if they hit with fists or bite, separate or remove them. Try again in ten minutes. They forget and move on quickly, but watch the biters, they can draw blood and get you in deep trouble.
3. Acting rudely and disrespectful, especially to you and other adults.
✔First, understand that they know exactly what they are doing, but they may not know some of the words they are using, or how hurtful they come across. This is when you must get tough immediately, not when you get home or after friends leave. Depending on age and location, and how nasty they are, will determine your response from a quiet verbal reprimand on the side, to removal from present company. This is not, not the time for a backhand across the face, or knocking them on their teakettle, but the urge to do so, is certainly understood.
4. I’m bored, ahem I’M BORED, I SAID I’M BORED
This isn’t really being bratty, but be thankful they are not playing with matches in the closet, or each other. This is a normal but probably learned reaction to always needing stimulation from new things in their life. Again, saying no to them earlier in life may have stemmed the apparent need to be constantly entertained now. The reason he said he was bored three times is because you ignored him two times. The two of you need to have a pow wow. You agree to respond, if he or she agrees quit interrupting and politely wait.
In addition: Try having books around, or assign chores, have them weed the garden, bake cookies, play catch, build a tent in the family room, fiddle with a radio, write a poem, fold a paper airplane, or help you with your current task. Some parents will say their job is not to entertain children; actually, the job at hand is to teach children to entertain themselves. So, yes it is.
5. That whiny voice
Just like the snotty look that brats seem to share, they also use a whiney voice developed to irritate parents until they get their way. Somehow they learned exactly how to drive you up the wall quicker than fingernails dragged across a blackboard. Once again, this is no accident, they know what they are doing and you should nip it in the bud when it happens. ✔Stop right there in the checkout line and call them on it. Say to them, quit whining and use your normal voice. If you’re lucky, they will look around, get embarrassed and stop. Unfortunately, they may immediately ask again correctly, which is now nagging. You still must not give in or they get what they want, and learn that whiny nagging works. ✔Stand your ground, say no, and explain that you will not say yes to anything they whine and nag about.
Now, you should be on the lookout for a normal request that you can say yes to, and of course heap on proper praise. Don’t be afraid to be obvious about what and when you say yes. Its’ ok to be obvious, we’re not tricking our kids, were teaching them, and they are on our team. Soon they will be using these parenting techniques on you, and on their own kids, lesson learned.
6. Saying a defiant “NO” to your reasonable requests.
If your child refuses your reasonable request, first make sure it is reasonable, and then realize you have an authority problem. At first they may simply be negotiating a better deal, but to out and out defy a parent is a serious problem and may require counseling. Before you runoff seeking help, sit down and have a very focused conversation. If the child is a toddler you may simply explain the rules, which will include loss of free time or something appropriate to the refusal. (remember, discipline should match the act) If the refusal comes from a tweener, it is probably time to give them more rope in exchange for their cooperation, but don’t give away the farm or you will never get it back. Deal making with kids is ok, extortion is not.
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| Relax, it will all be over in fifteen years and then you will miss them. Why fifteen?- its in the book! |
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