Problem Solved, (no more monitor!) no more games!

A few weeks back I was lamenting over how much time my son was spending in front of his computer, well guess what? my monitor for my home office computer just went black.  It didn't take but a few minutes to get me going again, because I confiscated the monitor from the other room where he plays all his games.  I know, I know, this isn't going to last.  I'm already surfing for a new big screen for my office.  I've sort of gotten used to my sons smaller lower quality picture, but I'm definitely getting a new one.  It will likely be about a week at best before I get one, and that's if I order one online today.  So in the next week I have to keep him out of my office and come up with a believable reason why he can't just take his monitor back, even for just an hour or so.  For starters, it's not his, technically its mine and he just has privileges, but we always refer to it as his computer, check that, technically it belongs to his brother as a hand me down from when his brother built a new system, so I guess it's not mine either, but I own the house so I should have some rights of confiscation.  And lets not forget, I need a monitor in my office, and that should trump his game playing time.
He just spent the weekend on a scout camping trip, so he's probably having  war game withdrawal symptoms already, except he's still asleep.  When he gets up about noon and the pain gets intense, I will pay careful attention, maybe even listen to what he says, I don't want to switch his habit to TV reruns or soap operas, so I will look outside the box. I think I'll take a stab at getting him to ride his bicycle around the neighborhood and then promise lunch at a place he chooses, then after lunch I'll pay him to clean his room and wash the cars.  When my new monitor arrives and I give this one back to him he should be just a kid again.

"It's the first day of summer"

Today is the longest day of the year and many children are free from school until after Labor Day, "yipeee".
I always feel for the kids on the last day of summer break.  I remember some years when I was faced with the first day of school how nervous I was, some years even afraid. Now I'm wondering how many kids dread summer.   Do they have day care to look forward to? Latch key? Abuse? Just because schools out doesn't mean their parents are off work.  I know some parents will schedule camps back to back all summer.  They say it's great for their kids, having lots of activities.  I wonder if the kids think its great.  Our children aren't dumb, they know they are being shipped off to a fancy baby sitter costing hundreds or thousands of dollars.  Our children are not worldly or mature enough to know that it may be the only choice their parents have.  Some kids benefit being at camps all summer, I know some would rather be with their family, but with two income family's now being the norm, what can they do? That neighbor kid you saw the last nine months playing after school, has he suddenly disappeared?  I wonder where he is, and if he's  dreading schools return or another summer.
John

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire, ever heard that one? of course you have. How do you teach your kids not to lie?  It's tough when they see their friends lie, their teachers lie, their parents lie, our presidents lie, the news casters lie.
I don't have the answer except to set an example yourself, but, but, but I have to lie sometimes, don't I?
Like when I want to go to the beach, I tell work I'm sick.  Or, I read the directions, but not really. I wasn't speeding. How about the double shot of booze you knock back, and your child asks, what are you drinking? you answer, "oh nothing" ahem, just water.  I think children don't see the difference between a white lie and a whopper, a lies a lie.
Do you punish them when they tell you the truth?  Who broke that vase? the doggy did it? No he didn't, your lying, go to your room.  Who broke that vase? I did it daddy, you were playing to rough, go to your room.
See the difference, neither do I.  Who broke that vase? I don't know daddy. (lying) Oh, OK, here's an ice cream cone.
So we reward them for lying and punish for the truth.
Last winter while I was working outside on a windy day I accidentally broke the windshield on my daughters car. It was a very small crack, not really noticeable unless the light was right.  I decided not to say anything about it. About a week later she mentioned her windshield was broken and had no idea how it happened. It took me about two minutes maybe less to confess.  I thought about how a persons true character reveals itself to themselves, when know one else knows, yet they do the right thing. When I thought about being a liar, which is what keeping silent is, or being the honesty is the best policy person I had represented myself to be her entire life, the decision was easy.
Children watch and learn everything you do, and they will be just like you.

Boy Scout Summer Camp

Summer Camp for us has been a chance to get away ourselves. Several years now, we have coordinated a week away at the same time our boys are away at Boy Scout camp. The first time we were nervous about being unavailable should an emergency come up, but one never has.  We made sure the adults attending camp knew that we would be away from home.  This was before cell phones, with the advent of cell phones and especially text messaging we don't give it a second thought. We are always a simple call away, even though we may be hundreds of miles away.  I don't think it would be wise to be thousands ( like in Hawaii) of miles distant unless you make arrangements with another adult or older family member to be your stand in. Should something come up, like a broken bone or mystery ailment, all camps have emergency procedures and you have likely signed a medical release that will take care of the immediate needs, but a friendly face visiting a hospitalized child is not too much to ask you as a parent to provide whether it be by proxy or in person.
Summer Camp this year is scheduled for late July and we are discussing our options, maybe staying home will be the most peaceful, well have to see what comes up.

Some things kids like to do (10) you can add your favorites to the list

This is aimed at camping but you can modify these ideas for fun at home

1. Get wet and go splashing. If you cannot find a good
swimming spot, normally most of the camping parks would suggest where
you could find a good and safe spot for you to swim, either a big lake
or a small brook. Some of them might have their own swimming pools.
Avoid the swimming pool at all costs and go swimming in a lake amidst
nature. The experience that you'll get is indescribable. Some camping
parks would offer a boat rental service, where you could rent a boat or
canoe for a small fee. Your kids will have a blast. A word of caution,
never leave your kids swimming by themselves. Be watchful at all times.

2.
Rent a bike and go biking together. Most camping sites have biking
trails for you and your family to explore. Be adventurous. Riding
bicycles is very enjoyable as you are able to enjoy the beautiful
scenery. Ride slow and make sure that everybody is not left behind.
Bring a map with you and plan your biking trip adventure before making
the trip so that you know exactly where you are heading and where you
want to be. Plan your time properly, so that you would be able to make
the whole trip and back to your camp before it gets dark.

3. Go  bird and animal watching. Most forest parks

Update the weekend computer usage

At first I thought, it was the same thing, more hours of games because when I walked by I could see what looked like a Roman Coliseum on the screen.  My first thought was  killing and maiming gladiators. Later while working outside with my wife I said, I think we should quit taking him places and doing everything he wants, maybe then he will get off the computer and help out some around the yard and house.  Linda said, "he's in there doing his homework" what? she continued, he and some classmates are building a coliseum online for a project.  Later I looked over his shoulder and asked what he was doing, he said he was having problems because all they had to build with were square cubes, and they didn't make good looking arches or anything rounded. Tonight on the way home from Boy Scouts he will probably ask for a snack or drink somewhere, like he always does. Tonight I will oblige.  John

Childrens games to play in the car or at home, make play a learning experience, make learning part of playing. For more games, see pages on right side bar.

Copy and print the map and state list above (the map will probably need to be saved as an image first) Play a match the name to the state game.

See more games on right side bar, look for "Pages" 

 

 

                   State list:

    Alabama  Alaska  Arizona  Arkansas  California  Colorado  Connecticut  Delaware  District of  Columbia  Florida  Georgia

    Hawaii  Idaho  Illinois  Indiana  Iowa  Kansas  Kentucky  Louisiana  Maine  Maryland  Massachusetts  Michigan  Minnesota

    Mississippi  Missouri  Montana  Nebraska  Nevada  New Hampshire  New Jersey  New Mexico  New York  North Carolina

    North Dakota  Ohio  Oklahoma  Oregon  Pennsylvania  Rhode Island  South Carolina  South Dakota  Tennessee  Texas

    Utah  Vermont  Virginia  Washington  West Virginia  Wisconsin  Wyoming



Copy and print the map and state list above (the map will probably need to be saved as an image first) Play a match the name to the state game.

See more games on right side bar, look for "Pages"

My 13 year old is stuck in front of a monitor

My 13 year old is stuck in front of a monitor.  In my mind I keep going back and forth with this issue.  On one hand I think he should be outside playing, being a 13 year old, building forts with friends, getting exercise, learning to make things, help out around the yard and house.

On the other hand, I'm worried he will learn to smoke, be introduced to drugs,  learn and use  foul language, chase wild women, meet older kids, learn violence and crime.

The internet is certainly wide open to him, we don't control access or even have the ability to monitor or censure where he surfs, what he sees.

The last time he wanted to go to the mall and meet his friends, I think I said OK,  but it was just to hang out, should I have said no, stay in front of the monitor and vegetate while playing a war craft game.

I mention my concerns to my wife and she defends his time online saying I'm doing the same thing; right now I'm online writing this piece, he's in the other room blowing up avatars; am I setting the example?

When I'm out and about I see 13 year old's hanging, and I'm glad mine is at home.  But when I'm at home and see him absorbed with a headset and microphone in a make believe world I want to pull the plug.

This is not the first time I don't have an answer.  John 2011

Dealing With Children Fascinated With Fire (lighting matches, etc.)

When I was first thinking about an article on fire building and children I thought back to different experiences I have endured during my 60 years on the planet.  I remember a cub scout outing with nine second and third graders, myself and one other parent leader. There we were eleven people huddled in a circle, with me explaining the proper way to build a fire. Pretty soon the boys were each practicing lighting matches.  One particular scout crouching directly across from me lit his match, promptly screamed, and threw the flaming match in my face.  I of course jumped and fell over backwards barely escaping the flying torch.  All the boys loved the commotion except the match thrower who was terrified and scared he had done something wrong.  I asked the boys, how many had lit a match before and was surprised by the answers. Only half the boys had ever lit a match, only one (my child) was allowed to light candles or fires when camping or at home. The lesson I took away was that many boys needed to be introduced to and taught some very basic life skills, also don’t kneel in front of first time match lighters.  Once when one of my children was at the young age where fire fascinated him my wife and I caught him in the bedroom closet with a box of wood kitchen matches, some which had just been burned, the smell still in the air. We promptly took him outside and sat him down on the concrete sidewalk next to the driveway and let him “play with matches” Of course we watched and worried, not sure what to do. That evening outside we roasted hot dogs and made sure he got to light the fire.  We also made sure that he helped light the wood stove we used to heat our family room.  Not too long ago the neighbor and his two boys accompanied me and my boy on an afternoon boat trip. We beached the boat on a small island to make a campfire and cook hot dogs for lunch.  The other father assured me that his boys were wise old campers having spent the summers with their aunt camping all over the northwest. The boys were nine, ten, and eleven years old, my boy being the oldest. On the island I challenged them to scrounge for tinder, kindling, fire wood, and then to light the fire using only one match. Watching the boys fumble with matches I wasn’t surprised to hear that the neighbor boys had never lit a fire, and wouldn’t admit to ever lighting a match, explaining they weren’t allowed to touch matches at home or when camping with their aunt. Our fire lighting challenge was a dismal failure, the recent rain made it extra tough.   However, I had expected problems and had brought with us a ten minute highway flare. I suspect even the dad was excited about using a flare for fire lighting, once again bringing to my attention that some real world life basics were missing.  Once the sulfur burned away and our campfire was ready for cooking we had a great feast.  With our pocket knives we sharpened saplings for cooking sticks, another first for the wise old campers. John 2010

Do schools do the job we want them to do?

Since I just added some polls to this blog about number of children it got me remembering our struggles at school. (no connection) Specifically how in my opinion our schools failed to teach my children to read. It seems they have time for all sorts of curriculum, but at what expense.
1st. shouldn't a number one goal be to teach our kids to read a book? a sentence? a warning label?
2nd. shouldn't they teach them to write their name? a sentence? a job application?
3rd. shouldn't they teach them to add 2+2 or even multiply 99x99 without a calculator (can you?)
My point is, my children didn't get the basics they needed for life. They were moved through the system with little regard to actual teaching of the 3r's, readin, ritin, and rithmatic (or something like that)
I heard yesterday on the news that only 15% of Americans write long hand cursive, I know I was not taught to write well, I avoid it it like the plague, I have others write for me, or I print, and even my printing is atrocious.
With the advent of computers and keyboards hand writing and math skills are falling further.
Back to my rant, why can't our schools concentrate on the basics? to me it seems so simple and obvious that we are not preparing our children at an early age, its no wonder later in middle or high school and beyond that they fail.

Is public transportation good for our children?

While my kids grow up, some of my biggest worry's have been their friends and where they hang out. Years ago one of my sons used the bus system and then max; we promoted his adventuresome and self reliant outings.  Now years later I question that wisdom, the transit system exposed him to places and people he was too young to comprehend and deal with.  I may be wrong but I blame some of the troubles he worked through on my willingness to let him use public transportation.  His younger brother is approaching the age where we will have to let him make some of these same choices.  But I have already decided to not promote public transit.  It means I will continue to drive him places and meet some of his friends. That's OK

Put ink to paper, putting my thoughts in words is opening a window to my soul, somethings are better kept locked up, not open to judgement and the scrutiny of others.

  "He who wishes to live in peace and at ease must not speck all he knows or judge all he sees"

Why don't more parents kill their children!

Supposedly children represent a little bit of ourselves, even the ugly ones are beautiful and precious to their parents most  ( xxxx some) of the time; otherwise more would be eaten at birth like some of our animal friends (and rats) do.